Somewhere beyond the sea...

Someone I love once said, "The brightest stars burn out the fastest." To which I so dashingly replied, "Well then YOU are a very dim star." She didn't understand this at first so I explained it as follows.

If the brightest stars burn out the fastest, then it would be logical to assume that the dim ones may burn a lot longer right? So, that being my logic, if you are a dim star, you will burn longer then all the bright ones. Sure you may not be as pretty or as impressive, but you're still a star. A celestial light that helps beautify the night sky. You may not be the star that people will look at and say, "That there star shall be named Awesome-o! Because it is so bright and awesome!" But you're still a star. And when "Awesome-o" and all the other bright stars have burned out, you will still be there, a dim, wonderful star, twinkling in the vast, dark void of space.

So yeah, stars.

Then why the title of this post referring to the sea? Well, therein lies another story, my friends.

Through life we may find ourselves infatuated with someone. I say infatuated because when we find someone we love, we don't let them go. We marry them. SO! That being the case I say infatuated with. SO yea, in life we may become infatuated with someone. We being the naive human fleshlings that we are, may say it's love, may justify why we are "made for" this person, but in the end, it's still infatuation.

I have been infatuated. Oohohoho, have I ever been infatuated! I remember back in 2005, I was "in love" with this girl. I thought she was my everything, my life, my baby. I tried to give her everything she wanted and make her happy. I never wanted to let her go. Infatuation has a way of messing with a guy's mind you see. Hormones and all that. SO, being the 15-16 year old nublet that I was, I thought this was it, this is the girl I'm gonna marry. But then I notice another girl, she seemed to be even bette then the girl I was with. She was closer, hotter, more sofisticated and more intellegent then my current girl. So, like a kid who got bored of his toy tractor and moved on to the toy Ferrari, I left the girl I was with with a lame excuse that I wasn't good enough for her and some other crap I can't remember (yeah, what a douchhe huh?) and went to this other girl. So, now I thought I had experience in the whole boyfirend thing and was ready to be the best I could for this new girl. Unfortunatly for me, she wasn't who I thought she was and I found myself thrown out after 4 months. So now my heart had felt the first cut of rejection. It's like a papercut: small, but stings like a bitch. I have since forgiven and made ammends with this girl, but at the time I was hurt and confused. I didn't bother looking for a girlfriend for a while after that. When I thought the wound had healed sufficiently, I decided to let a girl I like know how I felt. Again, my heart felt the sting of rejection.


A few more of these rejections and I had almost lost hope. I was insecure and wounded. I felt like the world was out to get me and love was something just not meant for Ian. This was a stage in my life where I was moping a lot, ranting on my old blogs, emo-ing and generally being a self-pitying sobstory. Yeah, I was pretty pathetic back then.

So eventually after all the rejections I became very cynical. I just told myself to forget about people. People suck. Life sucks. Deal with it you soft, weepy, pussy. It helped, but only for a while. Then worship rally came around and I got my... wake up call from God, lets call it that. I started to realize that things weren't all about me and that I had to live with my life centred around something else. I was currently centred around being loved by other people, when I should have centred it around loving the One who first loved me, Jesus. I was woken up. I needed to be shaken and told to snap out of my emo-ing ways and to shape up for God. And I am currently trying to do that.

So about the sea thing, I guess it's like that song, "La Mer". The singer is singing about his love that is somewhere out there, somewhere where he can't quiet reach right now, but he knows that one day he'll find her. I guess that's what I'm trying to say. I'm not sure where my love is or when I'll meet her, but one thing I know is that she's out there somewhere. I may or may not already know her, but she's out there and God has an amazing future planned for the two of us.

So for now, I'm like one half of a styrofoam box floating in the sea of life, waiting for that day when I find the other piece of me, and we can be one again :)

Somewhere beyond the sea
Somewhere waitin' for me
My lover stands on golden sand
And watches the ships that go sailin'

Somewhere beyond the sea
She's there watchin' for me
If I could fly like birds on high
Then straight to her arms I'd go sailin'

It's far beyond the star
It's near beyond the moon
I know beyond a doubt
My heart will lead me there soon

We'll meet beyond the shore
We'll kiss just as before
Happy we'll be, beyond the sea
And never again I'll go sailin'

La Mer/ Somewhere Beyond the Sea - Frank Sinatra