Monday, June 29, 2009

Life moves on without us

Well, life has a funny way of correcting itself. Or should I say GOD has an amazing way of making things work for His glory ^_^

I gots me a job in a restaurant, it's called Chili Espresso and it is in Sooka Sentral across from KL Central station. I'm working in the kitchen helping out with things like setting up plates and cutting chicken XD. It's a pretty ok job but it can get pretty tiring when rush hour comes.

So, I have been doing alright. Not everything worked out how I wanted, not everyone had the same thoughts I did, but that is how it always is isn't it?

We all have pre-decided thoughts about others that we are almost certain are true, but then we find out they're not. We think we know something but we don't. It annoys me how we humans think we're so smart and we can figure everything out. There are some mysteries and some things that don't make sense to us, and we gotta live with it.

Honestly I am one of those people who hate things that don't make sense. There must be a reason for something, or else I write it off as bullshit. But... sometimes people are not sensible, they do things that don't make sense. This is how life is. Learn to live with it.

I'm glad things worked out for you, and that you are happy now. I can't really say for certain that I am happy that it turned out the way it did between us. I thought I was ok, but in the end I wasn't. I thought that by doing what I did, I was strong, I was macho or something. But I realize now that I was a pussy. I was running away from a confrontation, which was what YOU were doing and which was why what happened happened. If you were just not afraid of confrontation and sucked in your pride and fear and just TOLD us, things might have been so much better. But life has this stupid way of screwing us over and that is exactly what happened to us. But, I am also really glad I had the guts to go and sit down and talk to you. I don't know how you really feel, like you said, some peoples words are supposed to speak louder then their actions. I honestly think that is nonsense. But... if that is how you are and how you live your life, then as a friend I have to accept that.

Life moves on, and sometimes we're left behind in the dust...


Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?!

Monday, June 1, 2009

Problems again...

Being back home... sucks at times.

I feel like I'm in the middle of a battle.

Torn between three sides... Mine, and two other people's.

I have my own things and problems... I want to be free of this.

I care about you, I do and I hope you know that, I do know how much pain you went through and how betrayed and hurt you felt. I have tried so hard to make you forget the pain and just be happy, I have done my best to show you that us guys are as horrible and stupid as some have made you think. But apparently I failed, so what does that say about me?

What does it say about the guy who, even while trying to make guys look good, made the look the same, didn't make an impact. What does it say about the guy who tried for 2 years to show some girl that he loved her, only to lose the battle in a month? What does it say about me?

Sigh... I wanna go back to the Doulos... where all I had to worry about was waking up on time for morning shift or getting things ready for an E-day... I miss it so much. The carefree feeling of being where God is really King over all, none of these problems and feelings to disrupt me from Him. Josh... Dude... If you're reading this... I need your prayers man... and anyone else who cares to pray for me... I am in a hard spot emotionally right now, the low that you get after coming back from a missions fields and you get home to all the problems of the world...

Sigh... what does that say of me? ;(