Problems again...

Being back home... sucks at times.

I feel like I'm in the middle of a battle.

Torn between three sides... Mine, and two other people's.

I have my own things and problems... I want to be free of this.

I care about you, I do and I hope you know that, I do know how much pain you went through and how betrayed and hurt you felt. I have tried so hard to make you forget the pain and just be happy, I have done my best to show you that us guys are as horrible and stupid as some have made you think. But apparently I failed, so what does that say about me?

What does it say about the guy who, even while trying to make guys look good, made the look the same, didn't make an impact. What does it say about the guy who tried for 2 years to show some girl that he loved her, only to lose the battle in a month? What does it say about me?

Sigh... I wanna go back to the Doulos... where all I had to worry about was waking up on time for morning shift or getting things ready for an E-day... I miss it so much. The carefree feeling of being where God is really King over all, none of these problems and feelings to disrupt me from Him. Josh... Dude... If you're reading this... I need your prayers man... and anyone else who cares to pray for me... I am in a hard spot emotionally right now, the low that you get after coming back from a missions fields and you get home to all the problems of the world...

Sigh... what does that say of me? ;(

Ian